"Good. I look forward to writing your checks."-Anne, on my return to Fred Flare, two weeks from tomorrow.

I have to go back to New York next week.

I don't want to go back to New York next week.

I'm not ready to go back to New York next week.

Every time I think about leaving next week I just can't handle it. I get so upset. And it's always looming in the back of my mind. I never know when I see people here, I never know the next time I'll see them. And thinking about going back, it just feels like my heart is breaking and it makes me so upset. I can't imagine leaving everyone here so soon. I love New York. And I miss Fred Flare and Susan and Fabi and everyone. But I can't believe I might not see anyone until May. It just hurts so bad. I hate it. I hate it. I can't go. Being home has reminded me how much I miss it here and now it's like it's all getting ripped out of my hands. Every night when I get ready to go to sleep, I can't help but think about it and I just lose it. I know when I get back I'll be okay after a while, but right now everything feels so hopeless. Sorry this is so unscandalous and unexciting and depressing. I just had to let it out somehow.

In other news, the Jonas Brothers still haven't posted their New York tour dates yet! And my high school has a wikipedia entry...? Haha. The snow started to melt today. It's gross outside now. And I only got to sled once. Yesterday I bought a super long, super warm winter coat for my return to the city. Loves it. I also went to dinner with the lovely Elle and my mom. We went to LA Cafe. So good! I miss that place. Today I went to the movies with Kaity and Natalie. It was really fun. I love those girls. And tomorrow I have another dentist appointment. Boo. But I get the car and me and Kaity are going to Caribou [her mom is signing her out of school! EEP!] and then I might watch the boys auditions for the musical. But I'm off to go to bed. I'm not feeling well. Night all.

Much Love.
Jewlie.
Much Love.
Jewlie.